Did you?

Did you care?
Did you truly want to help?
Did you want me to breathe?
Or did you want me to drown?
Did you like my tears?
Did you want to cause me harm?
Did you want my wrists to bleed?
Did you want me to leave...
   and i never came back

ok

kaylen i understand u miss me and trust me i miss you too all of u but forreal dont let my absence keep you from posting poems we hav fb to chat on i say this with the utmost respect lol ^.^

HHHHIIIII ASHHHHHEEEELLLLYYYYY!!!!!!!!

not a poem

okay you guys i'm all the way in texas and were only keeping in touch by this here blog so start posting
okay? i miss all of you and you better buckle down and get in gear ^.^ ...plz (heh i cant even be stern without saying please...i'm too nice)


                                              -sincerly
                                                Ashley R.

Tune

melody stuck in your head
you whistle the tune
a deafening blast
you spin see red liquid
dripping slowly down a brick wall
image burned into your mind
adds another note to the tune you whistle

Waiting

dark gloomy night
wind whistling through the trees
sitting alone i watch
watch as the rain falls
watch as a car passes
headlights hurting my eyes
giving me a headache
Its so quiet,
so...
quiet...
i almost,
almost,
fall asleep
but the howling snaps me
   back to reality
i look out the window again
watching,
waiting,
waiting
something thumps into the window
i start to get frightend
something touches my shoulder
i jump
but its only him standing behind me
wings the color of snow outstreched
blue-green eyes glowing
hair blowing gently in an imaginary wind
i sleep then
safe with my guardian angel close by
watching,
waiting for the morning light
and for safety

Diary

blue ink stains perfect lined paper
    white washed backdrop
lines are written spilling all secrets
    nothing hidden anymore
skin illuminated with floresent light
    reflecting her soul
she hides the paper well
    its not enough
the paper is found and read
    secrecy is lost

I Wonder

I wonder what its like,
just sitting here with nothing to do.
I wonder what i could do,
to pass the day.
i wonder what it would be like,
if i was the only person in the world.
i wonder what its like,
to be a different type of creature.
i smile at the thought of what its like,
to be as big as the world.
I wonder what its like,
to not have to worry about a single thing.
I wonder what its like,
not to dream.
I wonder what its like,
not to have to do work.
I wonder what its like,
when i accomplish something that no one else has.
I wonder what its like,
to have no green around me.
I wonder what its like,
to see a green sky.
I wonder what its like,
to not know how to think.
I wonder.
wonder...
wonder...
and wonder...
Dream Big As The Sky

I'm Trying

I’m trying not to love you

I’m trying not to care

I’m trying not to live my life wishing you were there

I’m trying to wonder

Where you are

Or what you do

I’m sorry I cant help myself

 I fell in love with you

Alone

I feel that pain in my heart

Then I leave my painful mark

I sit and cry alone in the world

You left me there without a second thought

I hate that hurt in my heart

I hate how I thought I loved you

I hate how you left me alone

Lost

Take my hand and lead the way

Tell me it’ll be okay

Take my life and keep it safe

I have your trust no haste

I think your kind but kindness isn’t real

You’re sweet appearance is my hell

I keep my heart locked away

You keep putting me astray

I’m lost and confused

you’re nothing but you

Darkness

Setting sun on my darkest day

Glistening moon shining stars will guide me

Blood will fall into a trail you will follow close behind

Alone I will sit for eternity

Darkness is the only thing with me darkness is only mine

Slipping Away

He said he loved me

he said he’d always care

he told me a thousand lies

he broke my heart to pieces when I finally let down my guard

you came around and picked up the pieces

you told me not to cry

you healed all my wounds

you erased al my scars

you told me not to worry as

you held me in your arms

and I’m letting myself rest

I’m slowly easing but I’m scared

the cold is slowly growing

I’m eating less and less 

but I don’t feel the hunger

its like I’m going numb from the cold,

the warmth I felt when I first met you is slipping away

…no your slipping away

its happening again

its starting just the same

my mind cant comprehend

you say you love me

but I can tell your starting to not believe it

I’m slowly starting to hate you

because you cant tell me the truth

I’m getting colder and colder

as the lights start to go out

I’m crying because I love you

I feel my knees hit the ground

I feel the tears run down my cheeks

I slowly lose my sense of direction

I cant tell up from down

I’m slowly going cold all over

I’m slowly falling to the ground

I can only hope that you mean what you say

I can only hope that you catch me before

I slip away  

Round and Round

round and round

dance around

jump up and down

kick the ground

curse the voices ringing in my mind

telling me I'm worthless

telling me ill never make it

ill never be good enough,

is that true

tell me the truth

do you think I’m good enough

do you think ill make it past fifteen?

I'm not worried about getting shot or kidnapped

I’m not worried about all the dangers walking the streets

what I’m worried about is constantly being yelled at

constantly being told I’m worthless

I don’t care what your mad about

that’s wrong

I cant handle this doubt for myself

I cant take all this doubt

he tells me I’m worthless,

And the worst part is

I’m starting to believe him

I’m starting to get convinced that I’m worthless trash

but what do you think?

For what you have done

I love the like the endless song of the sea,
but for what you have done to me cannot be forgotten.
Like maggots crawling on the dead leaving them rotten.
For what you have done to me can never be forgotten.
You left me alone to take a stand but you would never offer me your hand.
You left me cold as old castle walls covered with mold.
For what you have done to me could never be forgotten.
Still as a statue you left me for dead, no compassion in your words
and hnothing to cover my head.
For now I am hollow and alone because you have left me and the fault is my own.
For what you have done to me could never be forgotten.

seek the hidden secrets

The unforgiving look

The death stare
the treacherous smirk

Your eyes the color of ebony

Peer into my soul and find

Find what I hide from everyone

Find what I keep locked away

What leads to my dismay

Find what makes me cry

What makes me laugh

But wait

What started as a game of

Seek the hidden secrets

Turned into a nightmare

You see all my frights

All my hate

All the things I keep locked away

And you drop your gaze first

You turn and leave

Ebony eyes down cast

You saw my soul and

Just like every one else

You couldn’t handle what you found

This game of

Seek the hidden secrets turned deadly 

The Fire Flower

I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my hope
I'm falling from the dark
And i'm slipping from the stars
I wander hopelessly trying to find where I belong
Ican’t just forget

I can’t just turn away and pretend I don’t know

I can’t just say I’m sorry

I’m not

I see the flower of fire

, Or, the fire flower

I reach out and get burned

Only on the inside though

Fire spreads through my body

Not visible on the surface

My blood boils

My bones start to melt

I fall limp to the ground

And look up at the unforgiving stars

The stars in which I fell from

To caress the flower of fire

This is not a dream

I see ashes everywhere,
sometimes it gives me a scare,
I wake at night.
From nightmares giving me a fright.
I lay there painting.
Demons are dancing,
forming a star.
Soon I see a scar.
Forming down my leg
I feel a pain in my neck.
I scream
The demons form a team.
Circling faster now
Images are somehow
Turning bloody
The scene is becoming muddy.
Though, why, I have no clue.
The ceiling is turning from white, to blue
The walls become trees
Everything is now a forest greenery
This cant be
This body isnt me.
Something pops out of the green.
This isnt a dream.
Its reality
He stands there
The person that gives me a scare.......

Vampire Goodbyes: worthwhile

Im sorry for youre hate,
im sorry for youre pain.
im sorry for youre loss,
its just a shame.

Im sorry for the rest,
may you die in vain.
Its not the life that thrills me,
its not the death that kills me.

Its not youre eyes that pierce me,
its not youre soul that hears.
its not you that makes me sad, or mad.
youre love is what makes me bad.
its what makes me laugh and cry,
both at the same time.

So thank you,
but i must really get going.
Staying around you is really making it seem boring.

thanks for the laughter and smiles,
and making it all worthwhile.
because this wont be for a while.
Im slowly dying.
though im trying.
To stay alive,
My screams Is what pierces the night.

I cant let you see me like this,
so goodbye.
im leaving.

its every goodbye that counts.
so make it worthwhile because i will pounce.
out of this world,
and i will be a different girl.

Ive been bitten,
though not by love,
or happyness.
Its a vampire.
The only thing that makes the living dead worthwhile

You will never see me again,
but i wanted you to know,
that you will never be my man.

I Cant stay but for a while.
because he makes it all seem real,
hes the one that makes me feel,
happy and alive.
This, i cant lie.

Goodbye, Goodnight.
Its time to take flight
Into the night where theres no more light.
But thats alright!
Hes always by my side.

Hes the vampire,
the taker of my life,
Of which has been taken tonight.

Adios my amigos.
This is the last of my time.
My life from which you cant have.


This Is A Vampires Last Goodbye.

Four Keys

when i hit the door
you will hit the floor
you will bleed and scream and cry
i will laugh and die
because i hold the key
you are never free
there are four keys bounding you to me
first is for love
second is for  life
third is for hope
fourth is for our soul
so you see
you are bound to me
by the four keys

Darkness

setting sun on my darkest day
glistening moon shining stars will guide me,
blood will fall into a trail,
you will follow close behind,
alone i will sit for eternity,
darkness is the only thing with me, 
darkness is only mine

Who Am I?

Who Am I?
When Im In My Own Dark World.

Who Am I?
When I Want To Hurl,
When I Want It To Be Foreal.
Would You Lie To Meh To?

Who Am I?
When I Cut Myself.

Who Am i?
When I Put You Through Hell?
When I Hit?
When I Slap?

Who Am I?
When Im Not A Friend.
Someones Whos Been With You Till The End?

Who Would I Be?
If I Didnt Need?
Didnt Need Love,
Or Compassion,
Or Friendship?

Who Would I Be?
If I Werent Seen?
When Im Not In This World?
Would You Say " Wheres That Girl?"
Who Am I?

Who Am I?
When I Have No Hopes?
I Just Want To Get Thrown?
Do You Know That Girl?
Well, To Me, We Are Not In The Same World.

Would You Try To Change Me?
Would You Think Its From The Bullying?
Family Problems?
Rumors?
What If They Were All True?
Then What Would You Do?

Are You Too Late?
Would It Matter Anyways?
Would You Look Me In The Eye And Say,
"Hey Snap Out Of It
Don't Do It"

Who Would I Be
If You'll Never See Me?
Well Bye
Its Not You're Fault.
Its The World.
Who Am I?

Now The Question Is,
Who Would You Be?
If Something Like That Would Happen To Me?

What the days of our lives are filled with...

Humanity;An intellegence that is gradually decreasing
But don't get me wrong, I of all people should hardly be preaching
But it seems as though as the years go by
People get more ignorant for a reason I dont know, and why?
The public school systems have to me,become qrotesque
The music industry is now the furthest from the best
The small children always end up on the streets
And their parents have to beg on their knees to find something for them to eat
It sickens me

Morals; Soemthing that is no longer oral
No, today we musn't say the things that lead to dismay
But we must write them down for another today
A generation slwly approaching in the midst
That won't recognize the tyranny in all of this
Soon all of our morals
Will be chapters in a history book
That lay scratched up in a nook
Untouched.... Without a look

Peace; Is something that we've yet to acheive
No longer will I sit back and hear peole crying, NO!
It sickens me!
No person should ever have to live on the streets
In fact, if anyone I feel it should be me!
I won't just sit at home in watch t.v!
Left to wallow around in my own self pity
NO!
Today I speak out against the selfish and the witty
But to the people like me, this society just isn't fitting

We must do something now
Even if it means we must scream and shout
We must show the world of it's own arrogant ways
We must not let our opinions down into a haze
And of all times, we must do this today!

Humanity; My faith in it is gradually decreasing
Young children finding insecurities for teasing
Believe me
They have no one but themsleves to be pleaing
No longer will I face that fact alone
My anger isn't easing
And I know how to pick up a phone
I will be the one that will let the world know
We will be the ones that will save those left in the cold

Screams

• Why does my heart stop when i hear screams in the night my ears full of fright bleeding tears out of my eyes my stomach churns from the screams at night . The darkness calls me as if im apart of the scream as if life will fade away before my dreams come true . Whatch my children be cursed with the death of my genes . To live is like being in hell when i hear those horrible screams .Why does my heart stop i hear screams in the night my ears full of fright bleeding tears out of my eyes my stomach churns from the screams at night .                                                   Screams

-Gone Once More-

Squished at my feet.
It was so sweet!
Cake that would've been yummy.
Yummy...yummy in my tummy.
Instead now it's Gone Once More!

Choclate frosting and sprinkles on top.
Which someone had to drop!
I'm on my knees and begginmg please.
Can I have some more?
But now It's Gone Once More!

Crumbs and pieces on the ground.
While I look without a sound!
I won't cry, but I wonder why...
My arms are crossed with eyes of a fiery red hate.
While I look at the once delicious cake, that will be tossed.
Yet now It's Gone Once More!

Nightmares Today

Its A Cloudy Day,
All Of The Sunshine Has Gone Away.
The Sky Is Gray,
Like Me Today.
I Just Want To Yell,
And Give Every One Hell,
But I Cant.
I Cant Breath,
Something Is Suffocating Me.
Something Splatters My Face,
Its Rain.
Clear As Water, But Then Turns To Blood.
Now Im Standing In Bloody Mud
The Clouds Disperse,
Leaving Nothing But Blackness.
Blurry Shapes Move Closer To Me.
Surrounding Me.
Im Frightened,
And My Chest Tightened.
"SAVE ME" I Yell.
And Fire Came Out Of Hell.
Soemone Has A Knife,
Wanting To Take My Life.

Gaurdian Angel

My Parents say it's all my fault,
it's always my fault,
but thats a lie
I dont try to hide,
I didnt even lie, i 'm just sick...
sick of this house,
these people,
 my life
I just want to DIE...
but wait is that a bright light
do I actually have a silverlining
the light gets closer
the boy steps forward,
reaches for my outstreached hand
and turns my world upside down
I spin,
twirl,
dance,
smile
I dont even have to force it
I laugh like crazy...
untill i'm dropped
my parent fighting away
my Guardian Angel!

Show The World

Its time to show you what I mean,
About living the dream.                                                        
To show the world,
That your not the typical guy or girl.
That you have hopes,
You will never say no,
To whatever lies ahead.
I never listen to what anybody said.
Its time to stop living in the shadows.
And take another dose,
A does of freedom and say.
What they say doesn't matter anyways.
So show the world.
And happily end your life,
Not in strife.
To die freely,
And naturally.